Let’s Be Honest: The Questions That Make Living Together Work

The au pair program is a beautiful gateway to cultural exchange, language immersion, and personal growth — for both sides. But like every real-life experience, it comes with its ups and downs. Living together across cultures isn’t just about learning new words or sharing recipes. It’s about understanding the small, daily things that can make or break harmony at home.

And yet, many of the most important questions never get asked.

Different Cultures, Different Norms

Every culture — and every person — has different expectations around things like:

• Cooking and cleaning routines

• Personal hygiene and bathroom habits

• Dress, modesty, and body comfort

• Music, noise levels, and privacy

Add in generational trends, subcultures, or even regional quirks, and it’s easy to see how misunderstandings can happen.

The Uncomfortable But Necessary Questions

To avoid future tension, it’s better to be upfront. Here are some questions every family and au pair should discuss — even if they feel awkward at first:

• 🧼 Do you tidy up as you cook, or clean afterward?

• 🧹 Do you make your bed or clean your room daily, weekly, or when it bothers you?

• 🍽️ If you cook, do you expect someone else to handle the dishes?

• 🎧 Do you play music while cooking or cleaning — loudly or depending on mood?

• 🧍‍♀️ Do you prefer wearing light clothing at home or covering up, even indoors?

• 👚 Are you someone who lives in pajamas, or changes clothes multiple times a day?

• 🩸 During your menstrual cycle, do you prefer certain products or no products? Do you need extra rest?

These aren't just personal habits — they shape how people feel comfortable, respected, and seen in shared living spaces.

Bottom Line: Ask Before It’s Awkward

Create a space where both sides feel safe to say, “This is how I do things.” You’ll prevent misunderstandings, build mutual respect, and foster a more genuine cultural exchange.

💬 Want a free checklist of “Things We Should Talk About Before Living Together”?
Check out our printable at auost.de 💛