Just One Child & Still an Au Pair?

Katja on prejudice, mental load, and the courage to accept support

“Why does she need an au pair when she only has one child? It can’t be that difficult.”

Katja has heard comments like this more than once. But the number of children a woman has says very little about the pressure she carries every day.

In this interview with Auost Magazine, Katja speaks openly about invisible responsibilities, feelings of guilt, and why accepting support is not a sign of weakness but a conscious decision for a healthier family life.

Auost Magazine: Katja, why did you decide to welcome an au pair into your family?

Katja: At some point, I realized that I was simply going through the motions. I have one child, I work, and I also manage the household, appointments, shopping, childcare, and everything else that comes with everyday family life.

On paper, “one child” might sound easy to manage. But family life cannot be reduced to a number. What matters is everything happening around that child and how much responsibility one person is carrying.

Auost Magazine: Did you receive criticism for your decision?

Katja: Yes. The comment I heard most often was: “You only have one child. Why do you need an au pair?”

Some people immediately assume that a mother must be overwhelmed, lazy, or disorganized if she accepts help. But hardly anyone stops to ask what her daily life actually looks like or how much she is already doing.

Auost Magazine: What do outsiders often fail to see?

Katja: All the invisible work.

Who notices that new shoes are needed? Who schedules the doctor’s appointments, remembers birthday gifts, organizes childcare during school holidays, plans meals, and makes sure everything is ready for daycare the next morning?

Each task may seem small on its own, but together they are constantly running through your mind. That is mental load. And it does not simply disappear because you “only” have one child.

Auost Magazine: Did you feel guilty about accepting support?

Katja: Very much so. For a long time, I believed I should be able to manage everything by myself. Other mothers seemed to be coping, so I thought I should be able to do the same.

Eventually, I understood that I was only seeing the surface of their lives. I did not know how much support they received from grandparents, friends, partners, or flexible working arrangements.

Every family has its own support system. Ours includes an au pair and there is nothing wrong with that.

Auost Magazine: How has your family life changed since your au pair arrived?

Katja: Our daily life has become much calmer.

Having an au pair is not about handing over my child or replacing me as a mother. Our au pair supports us in specific moments and gives our family more breathing room.

I can finish my work without constantly feeling rushed. I have small moments for myself again. And when I spend time with my child, I am more relaxed and emotionally present.

The support does not benefit just one person. Our whole family benefits.

Auost Magazine: What kind of relationship has developed between your child and your au pair?

Katja: A very special one. My child has gained another trusted person to play, laugh, and discover new things with.

At the same time, my child is being introduced to another language and culture in a natural, personal way. That connection is enriching for both of them and beautiful for us as parents to witness.

Auost Magazine: What would you say to a mother who is considering an au pair but fears being judged?

Katja: You do not have to prove that you are busy enough, exhausted enough, or deserving enough to receive support.

It does not matter whether you have one child or four, whether you work outside the home, work from home, or stay at home. Every family has different circumstances and different needs.

Seeking support does not mean that you have failed. It means that you are taking responsibility for your well-being—and for the kind of family life you want to create.

Auost Magazine: And what would you say to those who ask, “Why does she need an au pair when she only has one child?”

Katja: Instead of asking why a mother needs help, perhaps we should ask why we still expect mothers to do everything on their own.

Katja’s conclusion

“Having an au pair is not proof that I cannot manage my life. It is a conscious decision—for more calm, more genuine quality time, and a family life that feels better for everyone.”

The number of children in a family does not reveal how much responsibility a mother carries. Nor should any parent have to reach complete exhaustion before feeling entitled to accept support.

What do you think: Should a mother ever have to justify getting help?