When Your Host Family Doesn't Like Your Piercing

Imagine moving abroad, settling into a host family's home and feeling like everything is going well. Then, suddenly, something as small as a piercing becomes a problem.

This was the situation an au pair recently shared on Reddit. She had a septum piercing before meeting her host family and mentioned it during the matching process. Later, when she started wearing it visibly, her host parents seemed uncomfortable. Even after trying to find a compromise, the family eventually requested a rematch.

It raises an important question: Should an au pair have to change their appearance to make a host family happy?

Personal Style vs Family Expectations

Living with a host family means adjusting to a new household, culture and routine. But it doesn't mean losing your identity. Piercings, tattoos and hairstyles are personal choices. At the same time, host families may have their own preferences about appearance.

Neither side has to agree on everything. What matters is being honest and respectful about those differences. If a host family has concerns about visible piercings or tattoos, it's better to discuss them before the match begins rather than bringing them up after the au pair has moved in.

What If Neither Side Wants to Compromise?

Sometimes, talking things through can help. An au pair might be happy to make a small adjustment, or a host family might realise that the piercing isn't an issue after all. But compromise should work for both sides. An au pair shouldn't feel pressured to change something important to them, and a host family shouldn't feel they must accept an arrangement they are genuinely uncomfortable with.

If neither side can find a solution, they may simply not be the right match. That doesn't automatically make either person wrong. It means their expectations are different.

How Can Both Sides Avoid This?

For host families: Be clear about your expectations during the matching process. Don't assume an au pair will change their appearance after arriving.

For au pairs: Be open about visible piercings or tattoos and ask about any family expectations that might affect your daily life. Most importantly, discuss differences respectfully. A simple conversation before matching can prevent disappointment later.

The Right Match Starts With Honest Conversations

A successful au pair experience doesn't require everyone to be the same. It requires people to respect one another, even when they have different preferences.

At Auost, we believe that clear expectations help au pairs and host families find a match that works for both sides. The goal isn't to change someone into the person you imagined. It's to find someone you can welcome as they are.