What Should You Tell the Next Au Pair? The Importance of Being Honest

When one au pair's time with a host family comes to an end, the next person deserves to know what life in that home is really like.

Imagine you're about to leave your host family after months of trying to make things work. The family is already looking for someone to replace you, and the parents ask whether you would be willing to speak with their next au pair. It sounds like a simple request. You could tell her about the children, recommend places to visit and explain the household routine.

But what if your experience hasn't been a happy one? What if the family regularly changes your schedule, expects more housework than you agreed to, or struggles to respect your personal time? Do you tell the next au pair everything, knowing the family might find out? Or do you keep quiet and hope her experience will be different?

This dilemma came up in a recent discussion, where an au pair approaching the end of her placement described feeling caught between being honest with her potential successor and avoiding conflict with her host family. She didn't want someone else to arrive with unrealistic expectations, but she was also worried about the consequences of speaking openly.

It's a difficult position to be in. And it raises an important question: how honest should a current au pair be with the person taking their place?

A new au pair deserves more than the highlight reel

When families introduce a new au pair to their current one, the conversation often focuses on the positives. The children are lovely, the neighbourhood is beautiful, and there are plenty of opportunities to explore the country. Those details matter. But they don't tell the whole story.

The everyday realities matter just as much. What does a typical working week look like? Are the hours predictable? How much housework is expected? Do the parents communicate changes in advance? Does the au pair have enough free time to attend language classes and enjoy life outside the home?

A family may have wonderful qualities and still have routines that make the placement challenging. The next au pair doesn't need to hear a dramatic account of every disagreement. However, they should have the opportunity to understand the practical expectations before moving into someone else's home in a new country.

After all, accepting an au pair placement can mean making significant financial, personal and travel commitments. It is only fair that the decision is based on a realistic picture.

How can you be honest without creating conflict?

If you're the outgoing au pair, you may worry that speaking honestly will make your remaining weeks uncomfortable. You might also feel unsure whether the next person will believe you, especially if the host family describes the experience differently.

You don't have to turn the conversation into a list of complaints. A helpful approach is to focus on specific, factual examples rather than labels or personal attacks. Instead of saying, “This family is terrible,” you could explain that your schedule often changes at short notice, or that you regularly spend more time on household tasks than you expected.

You can also distinguish between what happened to you and what another person might experience. A routine that feels overwhelming to one au pair may suit another, but that person still deserves to know what they are agreeing to.

If you feel comfortable doing so, you might say:

“I want you to have a good experience, so I'd encourage you to ask the family about working hours, household responsibilities and how schedule changes are handled. These were areas I found challenging, and I wish I'd understood them better before arriving.”

This approach shares useful information without telling the next au pair what decision to make. And if you don't feel safe speaking openly, remember that you are not required to put yourself at risk. You can encourage the incoming au pair to ask detailed questions directly and seek support from a trusted person or relevant programme contact.

What should host families do differently?

Host families also have a role in making this conversation useful. If you ask your current au pair to speak with their successor, allow them to be honest. It is understandable to want your family to be represented fairly, but expecting someone to provide only positive feedback defeats the purpose of connecting the two au pairs.

More importantly, take responsibility for explaining the arrangement yourself. Be clear about working hours, childcare duties, household responsibilities, days off, holidays and family routines. If there have been challenges with the children or aspects of the schedule that require extra patience and flexibility, discuss these before the new au pair accepts the position.

Don't assume that because one au pair managed a particular routine, everyone will find it manageable. And if the previous placement involved misunderstandings or disagreements, consider what could be improved before welcoming someone new. A replacement is not a fresh start if the same problems are simply passed on to another person.

What if the two au pairs have different experiences?

This is worth remembering: one person's difficult experience does not automatically mean the next placement will fail. People have different personalities, needs, expectations and approaches to childcare. One au pair may enjoy a busy household, while another needs a predictable schedule. One may feel comfortable in a rural area, while another struggles without easy access to public transport.

That's why the aim should not be to convince the next au pair to reject the family. It should be to help them make an informed choice. The host family should have the opportunity to explain its perspective, and the incoming au pair should be able to ask questions and decide what works for them.

Honesty doesn't guarantee a perfect match. But withholding important information can lead to disappointment that might have been avoided.

The right match starts with transparency

Leaving a host family can be complicated, particularly when you still live in the home and depend on the family while preparing for your next chapter. It is understandable to worry about how honesty might affect that relationship.

Still, the next au pair is not simply filling a vacancy. They are a person preparing to move into a new home, adapt to another culture and take on responsibilities that may shape their experience abroad. They deserve the chance to understand what lies ahead.

For host families, welcoming a new au pair is an opportunity to reflect, clarify expectations and improve where necessary. For outgoing au pairs, sharing honest and practical information can help the next person prepare without making them feel pressured to follow your opinion.

At Auost, we believe a successful match begins with open communication on both sides. No family is perfect, and no placement is without adjustments. But when expectations are clear and people feel able to speak honestly, everyone has a better chance of building a positive experience.

Sometimes, the most helpful thing you can give the next au pair isn't a perfect introduction to the family. It's an honest one.